Category: Grief/loss

Feeling your loss when you least expect it...

1/5/2015

This morning at school drop off, one of the moms announced that she's expecting again. As everyone was hugging and congratulating her, I suddenly I found myself feeling tense, awkward, and not going to lie, a little bit jealous. Now let me be clear, I'm really thrilled for this mom and her family; babies are such a blessing (I know that for certain). But in full disclosure, in that moment, my loss hit me like a ton of bricks.. I was supposed to be giving birth any day now, and the reality sunk in deeply.

Truth is, this isn't the first time.. after we lost Ellie, I really struggled with this.. in the beginning I couldn't go to baby showers and found it difficult to be around pregnant women, even friends.. But I have to admit, after lots of experience with this, and months gone by, my feelings this morning really took me off guard. I have no profound advice; loss sucks no matter when you experience it, and it stays with you. You carry on in your life, but you never forget, and you're never the same.

I share this because sadly I know so many of you have experienced a loss. You may have had moments like this or you may not; but whenever and however your loss effects you is ok. Go easy on yourself and feel what you need to feel.

Wishing you strength & love.

xx
Rebecca

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Rainbow babies

11/1/2014

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Many women like myself who have suffered a loss, are beyond blessed with a Rainbow Baby... A much anticipated, and anxiously awaited gift.. Its no surprise that a pregnancy with a Rainbow Babe (a pregnancy after loss) can be excruciating. lots of worrying and wondering and lots of extra appointments and probing ..... What surprised me though, and what I hadn't heard many people talk about, was the emotional side of it.

When our little rainbow baby Jack arrived, I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude; I don't think we could have been anymore in love and thankful for our little guy. But I also had moments of sadness and frustration.. Sad that I would never experience these moments with my baby girl (Ellie) who was taken from us the year before. Sad that my Ellie might be forgotten. I also put a ton of pressure on myself to be spectacular... after all this is what I had been waiting for. But, the truth is like every new mom I was learning and figuring things out..

If you are expecting a rainbow baby, I am over the moon for you. Truly, I always feel such a connection with moms like you, and so much excitement. Here are some things I want to tell you:

Please take it from me, go easy on yourself
You don't need to be supermom
It's okay to cry in happiness, and it's okay to cry in sadness all at the same time.
Be thankful for your new babe, and do something special to remember your angel babe
When people ask you if it's your first baby, it's okay to stumble... its okay to say yes, and it's okay to say no... and it's okay to them the whole story.
When you rock your rainbow babe to sleep, it's okay to wish you had got to do this with your angel babe. It's all okay!

As Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month comes to an end take a minute to remember all the beautiful babes we've lost and a moment of gratitude for all of our precious rainbow babes that light up our lives.

Thanks as always for stopping by and listening.

xx

Rebecca

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